Puppet moments, I could do without them

I hate it when I do things that are so dumb I actually believe there is someone controlling me.

I am lucky enough to have a Starbucks right downstairs from my work and when the mood for coffee strikes me, I don't have far to go. Today I wasn't in the mood for coffee, just a muffin. I was standing in line deciding what muffin I wanted and when the barista (girl at the counter) asked me what I wanted, I proceeded "Can please have a blueberry muffin... and a tall mild blend with room for cream" What? But I didn't want a coffee. Oh well, it will go good with my muffin and I don't have to drink the whole thing right?

I got back to the office, sat down and opened the loud krinkly paper bag with my muffin inside. Poopy, she gave me one of those oatberry muffins instead of blueberry. I am so hungry that I guess it will have to do. Besides, I have my coffee to wash it down with.

I was happy eating, drinking and reading an article on A List Apart's informative website when I reached over to grab my coffee — and it all happened in slow motion from there. I just caught the side of the cup with my thumb and felt the cup tipping over. As I tried to grab the lid with my other hand it didn't make it in time and coffee went everywhere. All over my desk, and me. Ouch, and I am glad I am not a guy because that was painful enough. I immediately stood up dripping wet with a pool of coffee on my chair and coffee dripping into a pool on the carpet. My co-worker had no idea what I just did. The situation seemed quite surreal. I told him what happened and he did a good job at not laughing his ass off at me.

As the hot coffee turned cold on my pants, and subsequently against my skin, I just stood there. How uncomfortable was it you ask? On a scale of 1-10 it was a 20 at least. I knew I needed paper towels but all I could think of was getting out of those soaking wet, cold pants. I finally waddled like a penguin to the bathroom and tried to wipe it off but alas, it had already soaked into my pants. I took a handful of paper towel with me to clean up the rest of the coffee that was now stinking up our little office!

On my way past our luncheon area I grabbed a bottle of windex to clean up the mess. After getting most of it soaked up into the crappy paper towels — let me tell you, those weren't Bountys — I proceeded to spray the area with Windex. Squirt, squirt, squirt, nothing. Sprayer was broken. I unscrewed the lid and very carefully poured some on the desk, and a little on the chair, to get rid of the coffee smell. When I finished wiping that off I went to grab the Windex, and of course because I unscrewed the lid, it spilled all over the desk and dripped on the floar. Yikes, how dumb. At this point I am histarically laughing at myself while Colin has no clue what I am doing.

As the liquid warms on my pants, I just wait for the clock to strike 4:30.

Well, there it is. Moral of this story. NEVER go into Starbucks with no intention to buy a coffee. I was punished.